Two weeks ago, the baby factory and reality TV stars known as Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar gathered their whole clan of 20 to make a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT on national, live television via the "Today" show. Oh jiminy, what could this big announcement ever be? The suspense had the whole nation on the edge of their seats!
"I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess," Meredith Viera joshed. "You're getting a puppy!" To which Michelle Duggar, the womb (I mean mother) of the clan, replied: "Haha! Well, not exactly." Such jokesters the two of them are. "Congratulaaattionsss...." Viera cooed after they revealed the real secret, which is that Michelle is pregnant with their 19th child. Big surprise.
"Well how are you feeeeeeling?" Viera prodded the 42-year-old mother. "Sick and tired," Michelle replied, without a trace of irony, as her sperm depositor (I mean, husband) looked on with a big, goofy grin, while clutching a copy of the book they authored together.
So it's clear that Michelle and Jim Bob do not believe in birth control of any kind, because they regard the fertilization of the egg by the sperm as a "miracle" and the baby produced as a result "a gift from God." It is God, not Jim Bob's penis, that is the reason for the creation of all of their many children, all of whom incidentally have names that start with the letter J (I wonder who inspired that trend).
Ah, but things get even stranger in Duggar-land. Their oldest son recently married his first girlfriend (who, according to the guiding principles of their religion, he wasn't even allowed to kiss on the mouth until their marriage ceremony. . .just mull on that one for a second). They are expecting their first child momentarily. But here's the awesome part: Once his wifey gives birth, the baby will have 18 uncles and aunts all at once. Eighteen! But not just that, some of those Duggar kids will be calling themselves uncle and auntie at the ripe age of 8 months! I mean, really, whatthefuck.
Apart from being a public curiosity, are the Duggars actually doing something sinister by procreating like rabbits? Well, consider this: A 2007 study done by something called the Optimum Population Trust, pointed out that if couples had two children instead of three, they could cut their family’s carbon dioxide output by the equivalent of 620 return flights a year between London and New York.
There is apparently one—albeit disputed—benefit to having many children. Some believe that it can actually increase life span. The oldest woman in the world, one Mariam Amash of Israel, is 120 and has given birth to 10 children. She also has 120 grandchildren, 250 great-grandchildren, and 30 great-great-grandchildren. (Although she does also attribute her longevity to a diet rich in vegetables; perhaps something for Michelle Duggar to consider when she's cooking up her signature dish, "Tator Tot Casserole," which she proudly shares in her book as well as on their TV show, "18 Kids and Counting.")
But whether birthing litters makes you live longer or not, one thing is certain: Decades from now, perhaps centuries, the world will be filled with many, many Duggar descendants of every category—uncles, aunts, cousins, grandkids, grand-grandkids—themselves reproducing, spinning the Duggar lineage into infinity, a group big enough to eventually create a city, Duggartown, if you will. And when human civilization finally comes to an end, the last remaining human will probably be a Duggar, standing amidst the rubble and shaking his fist at Michelle and Jim Bob for churning out so many children that their wanton consumption of the Earth's resources finally helped its demise.
"I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess," Meredith Viera joshed. "You're getting a puppy!" To which Michelle Duggar, the womb (I mean mother) of the clan, replied: "Haha! Well, not exactly." Such jokesters the two of them are. "Congratulaaattionsss...." Viera cooed after they revealed the real secret, which is that Michelle is pregnant with their 19th child. Big surprise.
"Well how are you feeeeeeling?" Viera prodded the 42-year-old mother. "Sick and tired," Michelle replied, without a trace of irony, as her sperm depositor (I mean, husband) looked on with a big, goofy grin, while clutching a copy of the book they authored together.
So it's clear that Michelle and Jim Bob do not believe in birth control of any kind, because they regard the fertilization of the egg by the sperm as a "miracle" and the baby produced as a result "a gift from God." It is God, not Jim Bob's penis, that is the reason for the creation of all of their many children, all of whom incidentally have names that start with the letter J (I wonder who inspired that trend).
Ah, but things get even stranger in Duggar-land. Their oldest son recently married his first girlfriend (who, according to the guiding principles of their religion, he wasn't even allowed to kiss on the mouth until their marriage ceremony. . .just mull on that one for a second). They are expecting their first child momentarily. But here's the awesome part: Once his wifey gives birth, the baby will have 18 uncles and aunts all at once. Eighteen! But not just that, some of those Duggar kids will be calling themselves uncle and auntie at the ripe age of 8 months! I mean, really, whatthefuck.
Apart from being a public curiosity, are the Duggars actually doing something sinister by procreating like rabbits? Well, consider this: A 2007 study done by something called the Optimum Population Trust, pointed out that if couples had two children instead of three, they could cut their family’s carbon dioxide output by the equivalent of 620 return flights a year between London and New York.
There is apparently one—albeit disputed—benefit to having many children. Some believe that it can actually increase life span. The oldest woman in the world, one Mariam Amash of Israel, is 120 and has given birth to 10 children. She also has 120 grandchildren, 250 great-grandchildren, and 30 great-great-grandchildren. (Although she does also attribute her longevity to a diet rich in vegetables; perhaps something for Michelle Duggar to consider when she's cooking up her signature dish, "Tator Tot Casserole," which she proudly shares in her book as well as on their TV show, "18 Kids and Counting.")
But whether birthing litters makes you live longer or not, one thing is certain: Decades from now, perhaps centuries, the world will be filled with many, many Duggar descendants of every category—uncles, aunts, cousins, grandkids, grand-grandkids—themselves reproducing, spinning the Duggar lineage into infinity, a group big enough to eventually create a city, Duggartown, if you will. And when human civilization finally comes to an end, the last remaining human will probably be a Duggar, standing amidst the rubble and shaking his fist at Michelle and Jim Bob for churning out so many children that their wanton consumption of the Earth's resources finally helped its demise.
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